Today I nearly had a panic attack in a Typo. I had just been out to lunch with my mother and sister when we decided to have a quick look at pens before I left mum and Jess to an afternoon of shopping. The store was so overstuffed with stock and was crawling with people. The “background” music was also so very loud I could barely hear Jessica when she was standing right by me. The whole environment was overwhelming to me. As I felt my heart rate increasing I hurriedly bought my pens and said goodbye to my mum and sister without telling them why I was rushing off. I’m pretty sure they just thought I was in a bad mood. As soon as I was out of the shop I began to calm down, and by the time I was in my car I felt calm again. Albeit a little surprised.
The whole near panic attack in a stationery shop experience today was very foreign one. I have had many panic attacks in my life. Funnily enough it is a major part of having an “anxiety disorder”. However, this was different. My anxiety and panic attacks usually come from somewhere internal, I have never before had anything brought on by external stimuli. I’m not afraid of crowds. Noise doesn’t make me nervous. The main explanation I can come up with is that I’m a bit sleep deprived and I have been in a kind of shitty/volatile mood for a couple of days. All I really know is that it was very disconcerting that I couldn’t fully appreciate a visit to a stationery shop, as it is usually my equivalent of spiritual nirvana.
It was all I could do to fully fix myself when I got home by cranking up some excellent music and playing with Jessica’s make-up like a child would. I now feel 100% awesome and am relieved I was composed enough to buy the pens (they’re really great pens to write with). I think the focus required for a task like applying eye shadow, plus the fun of doing it is a very effective way of get centred. It also has a pretty result.
1 year ago